For anyone who knows me, I am excitable, enthusiastic, outgoing etc etc.....What most people don't know is that I suffer from a sleep disorder, depression and anxiety.
Everyone gets sad from time to time and feels like their at the end of their rope, most people deal with the circumstance and move on. I live with that feeling day in and day out. I've come close to losing everything, do to irrational outbursts, erratic crying and overwhelming anger and frustration. Unfortunately it got so bad this year that it cost me my job, my sanity and it almost cost me my family.
There is no way to describe mental illness, you're at a complete loss of self. It's like standing on the outside looking in. You can see the damage as its happening, but like a tornado, you have no control over it. There is nothing more painful then being the source of your loved ones pain. To watch as they tolerate the absurd behaviour, feeling as though they had been stabbed.
Last year when I embarked on my first competition, I had no idea the benefits I would get out of it. It gave me a goal to work towards and kept my mind focused. Diet and fitness play such a key role with my mental illness. If I indulge in junk food too much for too long, I see the shift in my behaviour. if I miss the gym too many days in a row, I spend more time laying in bed, where I will remain.
With this lapse, I was fortunate enough to get an amazing doctor. I wasn't going to compete this year, I didn't think that I could handle both. My doctor told me to do it. It was important for me. He was right, I had to push my date to July 7 2012. But I am back on track mentally and physically.
I just wanted to take a minute to encourage those with mental illness to look towards fitness and nutrition. Who knows maybe a competition is all you need. Whether it's bodybuilding, marathon, or the tough mudder. Having something to work towards allows you to focus on yourself, which is something that is too commonly overlooked. Margaret Trudeau said it best "There is no shame in having mental illness, the only shame is knowing and not doing anything about it."
Message me if you want to look into training or just need to talk. It's always nice to have someone who understands.